"It would have been more logical if silent pictures had grown out of the talkie instead of the other way round." - Mary Pickford

A silent film shot in black and white at 16 frames per second.

9 ITEMS OR LESS
JOSEPH WAYNE GILLIS

Fade in:

1. Int. -- MEET THE STRANGE FELLOW / THE BEGINNING.
From behind THE STRANGE FELLOW, panning around to discover THE LADY BEHIND THE COUNTER handing the fellow a pie. He proceeds to ask her where something is located with her replying that it is located on isle y 101 z while pointing. Thus, the journey begins.

2. Int. -- THE END OF THE ISLE.
The camera pans, following the strange fellow through the shopping market, passing the isle: y 1 z, y 2 z, y 13 z, y 14 z, y 25 z, y 26 z, y 37 z, y 38 z, y 49 z, y 50 z. The fellow pauses while gasping for air.

2a. Int. -- CLOSE-UP OF THE FELLOW.
He wipes away the sweat from his brow with his arm, breathing out to prepare for the rest of his journey.

2b. Int. -- BACK TO THE END OF THE ISLE.
The journey continues: y 51 z, y 62 z, y 63 z, y 74 z, y 75 z...the fellow begins to slow down..., y 86 z, y 87 z...and slower..., y 98 z, y 99 z...nearly dragging..., y 100 z.

3. Int. -- ANOTHER CLOSE-UP.
The fellow, tired with his head down.

3a. Int. -- BEHIND THE FELLOW.
The camera holds behind the fellow, panning upwards as he raises his head to reveal a tower of cans, holding as he walks toward the stack.

4. Int. -- THE CLOSE-UP.
The fellow grabs a can from the center of the stack, but the stack does not fall down - yet.

5. Int. -- THE ISLE.
The camera holds toward the end of the isle as the fellow puts the can in his shopping cart and walks down the isle, stopping halfway to grab something off the shelf, then walks away past the camera noticing nothing.

IN THE BACKGROUND simultaneously:
An OLD LADY approaches the stack of cans, taking a can from the stack, but when she pulls the can out, the stack falls on top of her.

6. Int. -- ANOTHER ITEM.
The fellow snatches another item of a shelf.

7. Int. -- BACK TO THE FALLEN STRUCTURE.
A STORE CLERK is restacking the fallen structure.

8. Int. -- WATCH OUT, THE FLOOR IS WET.
The camera is low to the ground, focusing on a wet floor sign then panning upwards, holding around the chest on the fellow. The fellow walks down the isle looking on the shelves for an item, not even noticing the wet floor sign. He pauses at an item, but starts to lose his balance when he goes to grab the item. He slips around a little, grabbing hold of the shopping cart, gaining his balance for a brief moment only to lose his balance again, falling to the ground. The fellow quickly bounces to his feet, acting as though nothing happened.

8a. Int. -- WATCH OUT, THE FLOOR IS STILL WET.
After fellow gains his balance, he grabs the item off the shelf, placing the item into his shopping cart and walks away.

IN THE BACKGROUND simultaneously:
The old lady comes around the corner with her umbrella in hand; Angry with the fellow, planning to get even. As she heads toward him, getting ready to show him her umbrella closer than he wants to see it, she hits the patch of water and falls to the ground.

9. Int. -- THE TOWER OF CANS.
The store clerk smiles while admiring the newly formed stack of cans.

9a. Int. -- WATCH OUT ON THE OTHER SIDE.
Panning to the other side of the stack, we find the fellow walking up to grab another can.

9b. Int. -- THE CLOSE-UP.
The fellow grabs a can from the center of the stack, but the stack does not fall down - yet!

10. Int. -- THE ISLE.
The camera holds toward the end of the isle as the fellow puts the can in his shopping cart and walks down the isle.

IN THE BACKGROUND simultaneously (close to the end of the isle):
The stack of cans falls onto the store clerk.

11. Int. -- A STRANGE FELLOW IN A STRANGE LINE.
The camera goes down an extremely large line at the shopping market; after a while, reaching the strange fellow. He stands starring in disbelief on how long the lines. He looks to his left and sees never ending lines. He then looks to his right, it's the same except the 9 items or less line which is short. He looks into his shopping cart to find ten items.

11a. Int. -- HOW TIME FLIES / THE WATCH CLOSE-UP.
The time moves over an hour.

11b. Int. -- STILL TEN ITEMS.
The camera goes down the extremely large line, again. The fellow looks back down into his shopping cart to recount. He looks back up, then back down, and recounts, but there are still ten items. He ponders for a second. Then looks over at the 9 items or less line, looking back into his cart then looking back to the 9 items line. He shrugs his shoulders and discreetly leaves his line, acting as though everyone had their eyes on him and knew he had ten items.

12. Int. -- 10 ITEMS OR LESS LINE?
There are a couple of people in front of him, so he grabs a rag (tabloid) to hide the fact that he has ten items.

12a. Int. -- LOOK WHO'S ON THE FRONT OF THE PAPER.
As he is standing there, he peers over the top of the paper to see how close he is, but he doesn't notice the front cover: a picture of the old lady under - CRAZY GRANNY ESCAPES FROM PRISON!

14. Int. -- WHO'S NEXT.
The CASHIER smiles at the strange looking fellow.

14a. Int. -- STRANGE FELLOW.
He quickly drops his head, going back to the rag with sweat beginning to drip from his brow.

15. Int. -- THE CASHIER, THE CUSTOMER, AND THE STRANGE FELLOW.
The cashier is finishing with the other customer while the strange fellow stands in line feeling guilty.

16. Int. -- STRANGE FELLOW.
As the cashier is finishing, the strange fellow puts his groceries up on the counter, the last being a cream pie. When he is finished, he briskly goes back to his rag.

17. Int. -- CASHIER.
He looks down and starts to count the strange fellows groceries. Then he stops, looking up then back down, then up and down again. He immediately recounts the items. Then looks up and stares at the . strange fellow.

18. Int. -- STRANGE FELLOW.
He looks up with amazement.

19. Int. -- CASHIER.
The cashier holds up his finger and slightly shakes it back and forth, then holds up his hands, showing ten items.

20. Int. -- STRANGE FELLOW.
He shrugs his shoulders and smiles with an I didn't know "look."

21. Int. -- CASHIER.
Again he holds up his finger, slightly waving it, then showing the ten sign again.

22. Int. -- STRANGE FELLOW.
He shrugs his shoulders with his hands up in the air. He then clasps his hands together and puts on a "please face."

23. Int. -- CASHIER.
He positions his finger in the air in an "aha" mode and pushes the strange fellow's cream pie back toward him, making it 9 items.

24. Int. -- STRANGE FELLOW.
He pushes the cream pie back and puts on a "please face."

25. Int. -- CASHIER.
He pushes it back and shakes his head "no."

26. Int. -- STRANGE FELLOW.
He pushes it back and shrugs, again.

27. Int. -- CASHIER.
He pushes it back with anger.

28. Int. -- CHAOS BETWEEN THE CASHIER AND STRANGE FELLOW.
Both proceed to push the pie back and forth, back and forth, becoming more and more angry, back and forth , back and fo -

28a. Int. -- STRANGE FELLOW.
He grabs the cream pie.

29. Int. -- CASHIER.
He smiles, folding his arms, shaking his head with a "yes."

30. Int. -- STRANGE FELLOW.
The fellow angry, smiles and then throws the cream pie into the cashier's face.

31. Int. -- CASHIER.
He looks at him with astonishment and looks himself up and down. Then gives the "shocked" look again.

32. Int. -- STRANGE FELLOW.
He arrogantly smiles at the cashier, holding his hands in the nine position with a smile.

33. Int. -- CASHIER.
He is even more awed.

34. Int. -- GOOD-BYE SAYS THE STRANGE FELLOW.
The strange fellow then pays the cashier. The whole time with the cashier staring at him with amazement.

34a. Int. -- HELLO SAYS GRANNY.
The strange fellow smiling, walks away with his groceries.

IN THE BACKGROUND simultaneously:
The cashier's next customer is the old lady. She puts her items on the counter, then he counts them. "TEN," he screams as he jumps over the counter, and begins beating-up the old lady.

34b. Int. -- CLOSE-UP.
The cashier is pounding the old lady when he looks-up and sees her picture on the tabloid, continuing to pound her silly.

35. Int. -- THE END.
The store clerk still lays underneath the fallen stack of cans.

THE END


3/14/93

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